


Capable of Love

by Heelium



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dying Hanzo Shimada, Fanart Included, Genji Shimada is a good bro, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Jesse McCree, by BananaDreamer, lowkey homophobia, mentions of other character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 13:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13952988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heelium/pseuds/Heelium
Summary: “Shimada-san, have you had the Hanahaki disease before?”Removing the flowers in the first place was already dangerous. Another surgery would be more dangerous if Hanzo have had the disease before and his feelings got rejected. A third surgery were not a option, it would kill the person immediately.





	1. Started with the flower boy

**Author's Note:**

> English is my third languages, sorry for mistakes, just point it out.

Hanahaki disease   

 

Angela have come across the disease several times as a doctor, and it didn´t usually end good as most people thought.  She has never had the disease – Thank God – but she has seen the affect it has had on people. When the person rather wanted to let the disease kill them instead of removing the flower, it drove the person crazy and it was horrifying watching them die by chocking on flowers.

 

So, when Hanzo Shimada coughed petals out, Angela immediately felt pity for the man. She was never fond of Hanzo, the choices he took in his past was unbelievable. But as a doctor, she could not let her feelings come before her job.

 

The reactions most people had was usually negative. Some cried while other tried to conceal their pain. Having Hanahaki disease meant their feelings were unrequited.

 

Yet, Hanzo was smiling while examining the petals.

 

_Weird._

 

“You know, --” The elder Shimada started. “—I thought I would not be able to have feelings anymore.”

 

“Of course, you are able to have feelings, Shimada-san.” Angela frowned.

 

Hanzo may have done unforgiving sins before in his past, but he was still a human. He has the capability to have feelings… Why would he say something like that? Unless he has had the Hanahaki disease before and have done the operation before. It was twenty percent chance to lose the ability to have feelings after removing flowers from the lungs.

 

Angela checked Hanzo´s medical file. It was no record of Hanahaki dieses in his file and Genji has not mention if Hanzo had have the disease before. Hanzo were the heir to the Shimada clan. Living in an Yakuza society, the enemies could not know your weakness. It would not surprise Angela if the Shimada´s has concealed Hanzo´s medical files. They did it to Genji when he was first brought to Overwatch.

 

“Shimada-san, have you had the Hanahaki disease before?”

 

Removing the flowers in the first place was already dangerous. Another surgery would be more dangerous if Hanzo have had the disease before and his feelings got rejected. A third surgery were not an option, it would kill the person immediately.

 

Hanzo only hummed at the question.

 

* * *

 

 

_It was 10:43 am when Hanzo entered into Genji´s room._

_“You need to wake up, brother. Father and the Elders are waiting for you.” Hanzo said as he opened the curtains in the room._

_The glare of the sun made Genji groan. He used his pillow to hide from the sunlight. “Please Hanzo, tell the Elders to fuck off.”_

_It took Hanzo fifteen minutes to make Genji get out of bed and put on some clothes. Genji was wearing a sweater with a naked anime girl on it, it was not like Genji was into Hentai Anime, it was more like he was wearing the sweater to piss of the Elders._

_The Elders wrinkled their nose with disgust when they saw the youngest Shimada walked into the room with one of his dishonorable clothes. A smirk formed around Genji´s mouth._

_“Ah, my sons.” Sojiro´s voice boomed into the room._

_“Father.” Both Hanzo and Genji said simulant while bowing deep. They took the seat across the Elders. Genji noticed Hanzo coughing._

_“Are you sick, brother?” Hanzo being sick were the worst times. Instead of letting him rest like normal people would, the Elders made Hanzo work twice so much than they usually did._

_“Something like that.” Hanzo murmured._

_“Thank you for coming, Hanzo-sama, Genji-sama.” One of the elder spoke._

_“It was not so much of a choice.” Genji huffed as Hanzo gave him one of his famous glares._

_“We called you here to talk about the incident three days ago.” Another elder continued, ignoring Genji´s comment._

_Genji recall what happened three days ago. Hanzo actually accepted his invitation to join him at the club. They both had a good time until a guy came over to them and made Hanzo uncomfortable. So Genji beat him up. Apparently, the guy was the son of an important business partner to the Shimada´s._

_“We thought we had taught you better Genji, but it seems like you still need to be taught a lesson.”_

_Genji felt Hanzo stiffen beside him._

_“There is no need to punish Genji, Yamato-san. Little Sparrow were only trying to protect his older brother.” Sojiro came to rescue. If it was one person Genji could trust the most, - after Hanzo of course – it were his father. His father was the only person who ever stood up for Genji when the Elders tried to mock him._

_“Sojiro-sama, with all due of respect, we cannot let this go unpunished.” Another Elder tried to protest. Sojiro gave her a small smile._

_“Of course, that it why we should rather punish the boy who put Genji in that situation in the first place.” Sojiro and the Elders continued to argue as Genji were thinking about which club he was going tonight._

_Should he go to the same one he went last time, or another? Maybe Genji should try to find the guy who put him in this situation and show him his dragons._

_Coughing interrupted the younger Shimada´s thought. He looked over at his right side to see Hanzo holding a hand over his mouth while coughing. “Brother are you—Wait is that petals coming out of your mouth?”_

_In Hanzo´s hand were pink petals. Hanahaki disease. Genji had heard of it, but never really gave it a second thought. Sojiro and the Elder stopped bickering and turned their attention to Hanzo._

_“Oh, Hanzo…” A sigh came from Sojiro as his face softened,_

_Hanahaki disease was the last thing Genji excepted his brother to have. The thought of Hanzo in love was thrilling. Who was the mystery woman that captured his brother cold heart? Genji hoped it was one of the daughters of Shimada´s business partners, or else Hanzo would never-_

_“Genji-sama, do you love your brother?” The Elders interrupted Genji´s thought. He looked over to see the Elder´s sly smirks._

_“Should I not?” Genji knew the Elders were planning something. One way or another this would not end good._

_“Hanzo, do you love your brother?” They turned their attention over to Hanzo. Genji looked over to his father, he could see the anxiety._

_“Of course, Sakurai-san.” Hanzo replied without looking away from the petals in his hands._

_The Elders hummed in response. “Satomi, tell the doctors Hanzo-sama has the Hanahaki disease and they need to prepare for a surgery.” One of the Elder told a servant._

_“Of course, Ryota-san.” The servant responded with a deep bow before leaving the room._

_“W-wait!” Genji shot up from his seat. “You cannot make Hanzo remove the flower. Have you even confessed your feelings, brother?”_

_“Your opinion does not matter Genji-san. The decision has already been made.” Yamato-san said before Hanzo could answer._

_Forming a fist with his hand, Genji turned to his father. “Father, you can not let this happen.” Sojiro looked away with shame._

_“Who is the person, Hanzo-sama?” Sakurai wondered._

_“Ya-Yamaguchi Aoki.” Hanzo hesitated._

_“The flower boy?” Ryota frowned._

_“Wait, you are gay brother?!” Genji exclaimed. It made sense why Hanzo was never found of the women in that way. But why did not Hanzo tell him this before? He would have showed his older brother some hot guys he may would like._

_“I-I-. I apologize.”_

_Genji eyes widen. “No! Don´t apologize! It isn´t something wrong with being gay. You should have told me earlier.” His face softens. He did not want Hanzo to think it was wrong to like guys._

_The Elder scoffed simultaneously. It was like they all were the same person. “Nothing wrong with being_ gay _? It does not matter anyway. Hanzo-sama will have the operation if he like it or not.” They all stood up, one by one._

_“Maybe next time you will think about the consequences, Genji-sama.” Yamato smirked, before leaving Sojiro and his sons alone in the room._

 

* * *

 

It had only been few months since Hanzo joined Overwatch.

 

Most of the agents did not see him so much during the start. Hanzo spent most of his time isolated in his room or in the training room. The only time he ever interacted with the other agents were during a mission and even then, he spoke just a few words. Genji tried to spend time with him, but it never worked when Hanzo were hiding most of the time.

 

It took time, but Hanzo started to warm up to most of the agents.  

 

Hanzo sometimes joined Genji and Zenyatta´s morning meditation. The archer started eating with the whole team and drank tea with Satya in the afternoon. He sparred sometimes together with Zarya and Reinhardt. Genji has seen McCree and Hanzo together a few times, drinking.

 

Hana announced Hanzo as her gaming partner after playing together eight hours straight. They would have of course played longer if it wasn´t for Jack “I´m not your father” Morrison forbidding the two agents to play more than two hours a day.

 

Genji has overheard Torbjörn and Hanzo several times discussing something about weapon design, and he even once saw Winston sharing his peanut butter with Hanzo.

 

In other words, Hanzo were opening up and Genji were proud of his older brother. Of course, the relationship between the two brothers were not fixed, but they were healing.

 

Still, it was weird seeing Hanzo _so_ social with the other members in Overwatch.

 

Genji did not know what was wrong with Hanzo lately, but something was wrong. Hanzo interacted with other people more than he usually did and he was _smiling_. Genuinely.

 

The other agents noticed too but did not really comment it. Master Zenyatta told Genji he was overreacting, and it was a good thing Hanzo were smiling more. Of course, it was something positive that Hanzo were happier, yet Genji felt something were off.

 

…And his suspicion was confirmed when Genji deiced to sneak into Hanzo´s room in the middle of night.

 

The first thing the cyborg noticed were the red petals in the hands of his brother. The next thing was the _weird_ smile on Hanzo´s face.

_“Brother…”_ Genji started. Memories of the Elder sly smirk, pink petals, Sojiro crying, Hanzo in the hospital bed and a body on the ground flashed through the cyborg´s mind.

 

 _“I thought I was not capable of loving anymore.”_ Hanzo whispered in their native language.

 

 _“Who?”_ Genji have never believed in a God, but he prayed to whoever who could hear him that Hanzo loved a person who loved him back. Or at least had some form of romantic feelings.

_“Jesse.”_ Genji silently cursed. He had noticed his brother and the cowboy have recently spend more than usually. Jesse has been his best friend since Blackwatch, he knew him from inside and out.

 

Genji knew how Jesse would respond.

_“Have you talked about it to anyone?”_

_“Only Doctor Angela.”_

 

 _“You are going to confess, right?”_ Rejected or not, Genji were sure that his brother would [confess.](https://bananamirage.tumblr.com/post/179825021478/there-is-a-gift-for-heelium-who-is-the-writer-of)

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was moonless night when Jesse approached Hanzo in one of the balconies in Watchpoint; Gibraltar. The waves were softly breaking against the shore.

 

Jesse has noticed lately Hanzo was acting different. It was not the recent arguments between the Shimada brother, but how Hanzo was treating him different. It was not only the cowboy who noticed that Hanzo were happier than he usually was. It was a good thing, Jesse liked to see the other man more open and smiling, yet he treated Jesse different than he did with the others.

 

Did Jesse do something wrong? Did he offend the other man? Jesse did not know what he did, but he guess he should ask what was wrong.

 

“Howdy, partner.”

 

“Oh, McCree.” _McCree._ It was Jesse for two weeks ago.

 

Jesse took a seat beside the elder man. He noticed Hanzo were not drinking his sake, instead he was biting his lips as he focused on his locked hands. The two sat in silent a couple of minutes, until Jesse could not take the silence anymore. He had to know.

 

“Hanzo.” Jesse started as he were chewing on his cigarillo. “Have I offended ya in some way?” He could see that Hanzo stiffened.

 

Jesse took of his hat and held it on his chest. «If I did, I am-“

 

“No.” Hanzo interrupted and finally he decided to look at Jesse. “Why would you say that?”

 

“I guess, yer have been actin´ different around me. Like I did something wron´.” The cowboy putted his hat back on.

 

“McCree.-“ Hanzo took a breath. “Jesse, there is something I need to tell you.” He looked back at his hands. Jesse gulped and waited for Hanzo to confess whatever he wanted to tell the cowboy.

 

Maybe Hanzo did not want to spend his night drinking with Jesse. Or he did not like Jesse´s clothes. Wait, that is stupid. Hanzo did not care what Jesse was wearing. Maybe Hanzo wanted to leave Overwatch. He thought the archer was comfortable stayi-

 

“I have the Hanahaki disease.”

 

“W-What?” Jesse gasped. He did not except that. “Ya are bluffin´, right?”

 

Hanzo shifted uncomfortable at his seat. He opened his hands and showed red petals. Jesse took one of the petals and studied it. It looked familiar for some reasons.

 

“Well, fuck.”

 


	2. Reflecting

**_‘You made flowers grow in my heart and although they are beautiful, I can´t breathe’_ **

\- Unknown 

 

Hanahaki disease.

 

A disease where a victim of unrequited love cough petals because flower is blooming in their lung. It takes time for the flowers to show up first, it can take up to four months or four years but once the first petals blooms inside the victim lungs, it will only take short time for the Hanahaki to kill the victim.

 

The cowboy gently stroked the petal he was holding, still not fully registering what Hanzo said. “Who?” Jesse was no botanist, but the petals in Hanzo´s hands looked awfully like the petals on cactus back in the southern states.

 

“You.” Hanzo replied. The words left Jesse in shock, the cigarillo fell from his lips.  

 

 

Hanzo has the Hanahaki disease.

 

Hanzo is in love.

 

 _Hanzo loves me._ Jesse dumbly thought.

 

The archer let the petal he is holding fall on the ground as he picks up the fallen cigarillo and smoulder the ending on the ground. 

 

Growing up an area that has suffered greatly after the Omnic Crisis and where one of the biggest gangs in America resident, did affect a person´s life negatively. Jesse never knew his parents and he joined the Deadlock gang when he was old enough. Every day was ‘kill or get killed’. Life was not great, but that was the only life Jesse ever knew. Well, until Overwatch, or more specifically, Blackwatch showed up from nowhere.

 

 

Jesse first experienced the feeling ‘Love’ was when he joined Blackwatch. Most people didn´t spare Jesse a glance, but there were some people who actually cared about Jesse. Gabriel, Genji Fareeha and Ana. It was the first time Jesse felt the type of love for family and friends. Through the years in Blackwatch, crushes got more normal as the days passed and the feeling of knowing some people cared about Jesse, warmed his heart. He still had to think about not getting killed in the battiefield, but Jesse was more safer in Blackwatch than in Deadlock. Yet, loving a person, deeply loving them until you get Hanahaki disease never happened to the cowboy.

 

And to _know_ a person loved you, romantically, was strange for Jesse. Unfamiliar.

 

Hanzo coughed, petals coming out of his mouth and Jesse could only watch with a frown on his face.

 

“Hanzo, are you sure ya got the right person?” Jesse had to be sure Hanzo meant him. There was no way Hanzo fucking Shimada loved a wannabe cowboy.

 

The question made Hanzo turn the opposite way of the cowboy, Jesse noticed the hint of redness on Hanzo´s cheeks and his trembling hands.  “You think I would joke about something like this?” Hanzo´s voice was strained, as if he was trying to hide his emotions.

 

 

“No! No, no, of course not…” Jesse rans his hands through his brown hair as he let out a sigh. It was selfish of him, but Jesse hoped Hanzo was mistaken. In a different circumstance, Jesse would be flattered someone actually loved him romantically, but this is different. Hanahaki disease is no joke.

 

If a person gets the Hanahaki disease, they have three options:

 

 **One** – Remove the flowers, surgically. This would damage the lungs a bit and it would remove the feelings the victim had once for the person they loved. In some cases, the victim would completely lose the ability to have feelings and they could also lose the memories of the person loved.

 

 **Two** – The victim´s lover has to return their feelings. The flowers would immediately disappear from the victim´s lungs and not even the scientist can explain how it was possible. This is option is the safest and healthies way to get rid of the Hanahaki disease, which is why many people risk chance of getting rejected.

 

 **Third** – Let the disease kill you. Flowers would continue to grow in the lungs until there was no space left for oxygen, blood and petals would be the only thing coming out of the victim’s mouth.  This was the most painfully and horrible ways to die, in Jesse opinion. Yet, many people chose this path. Some people would rather die than taking the chance to give up their feelings, but who was he to judge?

           

The cowboy puts his Stetson back on his head, he didn´t noticed he was shaking until he was about to light up another cigarillo. Jesse counts from one to ten, trying to control his breath. He puts a new cigarillo in his mouths and tries light it up by using his snow themed lighter Mei gave him as a gift last month.

 

Hanzo notice Jesse´s struggle and grabs the lighter out of his shaking hands. “Let me help you…” He mumbles as he leans closer to Jesse. Hanzo curls his fingers around the lighter and brings it closer to the cigarillo. Rolling his thumb down the metal spark-wheel down, flames comes out from the top of the lighter. Jesse watch as the flame reflect Hanzo´s eye and gulps.

 

The gunslinger and archer stares at each other in silence for a few moments. Hanzo back off abruptly, bring his forearm to his mouth and cough. More petals come out from his mouths.

 

Jesse takes a drag from the cigarillo, then blowing out smoke fast before taking another drag, letting smoke fill in his lungs. Stealing a look at the other man, Jesse noticed Hanzo shaking and breathing heavy. Having Hanahaki must be painful to have, and Hanzo has it because of Jesse.

 

 _“It´s your fault.”_ A tiny voice in Jesse´s had said.

 

A few more moments with silence passed, which has gotten awkward.

 

When the archer first joined Overwatch for seven months ago, Jesse never thought Hanzo would become one of his closest friends. Their friendship was built on getting drunk and comparing kills in the battlefield. Slowly, they learned to trust each other outside the battle field. They both understood each other without the need of using words, it was already hard enough for the both of them to express their feelings with words.

 

“H-Hanzo…” Jesse pause, bringing up a hand to up to pull the brim of his Stetson down to cover his eyes.

 

Both of the men were longing for company, a person who understood them after being on the run for so long but Hanzo craved more.

 

Hanzo puts a hand on Jesse´s shoulder, softly squeezing it.

 

It will never be more than friendship and Hanzo knows it.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Genji sneaks into Hanzo´s room with a bag full of sweets for his brother.

 

Being the nosy little brother he was, Genji wanted to know how the conversation between the gunslinger and archer went. Genji knew Jesse, had known him ever since he had joined Blackwatch. They both kept contact after it all went to hell, and here they were. Still alive.

 

Genji had been curios between the relationship of the two older men and he wasn´t the only one. It wasn´t long ago he asked what Jesse felt about Hanzo.

 

 _“He´s my friend, nothin´ more.”_ Jesse answered, if Genji remember it right.

 

Honestly, Genji was disappointed at the answer. Some part of him wanted Jesse to crush on Hanzo, especially now that his brother has the Hanahaki. Again…

 

Stepping into the room, Genji noticed first the red petals laying on the floor and bed, but no Hanzo. Then he heard noises coming from the bathroom, it sounded like someone trying to breath after getting straggled.

 

Genji clenched his jaw, he wanted to go into the bathroom and comfort his older brother, but knowing Hanzo, he wanted some alone time. So Genji decided he would clean the room while waiting. He was finished making the bed when Hanzo decided to emerge from the bathroom after twenty minutes later.

_“Oh, Genji…”_ Hanzo cleared his throat. He was wearing nothing, but sweatpants and his hair was down, covering most of his face. Hanzo walked over to the bed, slipping under the blanket and curled himself in the bed.

 

Hesitating, Genji sat on the bed. “I take it didn´t go so well...” He confirmed in his native language.

 

Hanzo grumbled, moving closer to the wall as if he was making space for his little brother. Genji took the message and slipped under the cover with his brother.

 

Hanzo buried his face against Genji´s chest.

 

* * *

 

 

_Genji paced around his room. Clothes, bags and equipment were scattered around the room._

_He didn´t noticed a person entered his room until they spoke. “Sparrow.” Startled, Genji grabbed the first weapon his saw and prepared for a fight. Noticing it was only his father, Genji blinked while lowering the knife._

_“Father.” Genji blurted._

_Sojiro made his way to the bed and he sat down, gesturing Genji to do the same. Genji set the knife on the table before joining his father._

_They both knew being the head of the Shimada-gumi was stressful and time consuming. It gave Sojiro less time to spend with his family. Which is why Genji thought it was weird that his father visited him, unless it was for a reason._

_“I see you have been busy.” Sojiro observed. Genji hummed, playing with the edges of his father´s Kimono. “The Elders have increased the security.”  They both knew what Sojiro meant by it, Genji couldn´t escape with Hanzo without getting caught. Clenching his fist tightly, Genji sighed._

_“What am I going to do, father? We can´t the old geezer continues to decide what is best for Hanzo.”_

_Genji wanted Hanzo to decide if he wanted to do the operation. He wanted Hanzo to independent and not let other decide how he was going to live his own life. Genji didn´t understand why Hanzo blindly followed the Elders. The old geezer didn´t care about him, they only cared about themselves and money. Why couldn´t his brother see it?_

_Sojiro laid a hand on his son´s shoulder. “I am sorry, my little Sparrow.” Sojiro whispered, his voice breaking. He gripped harder on Geni´s shoulder, breathing heavily while sniffing._

_“Please forgive me.” Sojiro... was crying?_

_Genji could only stare at his father with surprise. He didn´t know how to react. Sojiro never showed his emotions especially sadness, he had mastered the art of hiding. That is why something inside Genji broke when seeing his father, fucking Sojiro Shimada, crying. It was… unfamiliar._

_“I have failed both of you.”_

 

* * *

 

Sighing, Angela massage her temples.

 

The life as a doctor was hard and stressful, especially when she worked at an illegal organization.  Angela looked at her calendar book that was laying on her desk, along with Hanzo´s file and other files, pens, Swiss chocolate and plenty of empty mugs. Hanzo´s operation will happen tomorrow.

 

Angela has tried to gather much information as she could from Hanzo´s first operation. Apparently, Hanzo had lost the capability to have feelings for a short time, and he even lost some memories of the man who Hanzo were in love with. Which made Angela anxiety, what if Hanzo forgets about Jesse? Or what if Hanzo-

 

“Still thinking about Hanzo´s operation?” Angelo´s voice startled Angela out of her thoughts. Angelo was leaning against the door frame, holding cup mug of coffee for his sister.

 

“Why are stressing, we have done this many times.” Angelo gave her the mug and picked up Hanzo´s medical file.

 

“Well…” Angela started, taking sips from the mug. “This is the second time Hanzo will undergo an operation to get rid of the Hanahaki-“

 

“-Which means risk will be higher.” Angelo finished.

 

Clutching harder on the mug, Angela couldn’t stop thinking about the outcome. It was great risk for Hanzo to lose the ability of feelings.  “Genji and Hanzo´s relationship have gotten much better lately. I just don´t want everything Genji worked so hard for to be in vain.”

 

* * *

 

 

_Genji was making his way to Hanzo´s room, holding a basket full of Hanzo´s favourite snacks._

_The Elder´s had forbidden the younger Shimada to visit Hanzo for a week for ‘health issues’. Genji had never listened to the Elders before and he wasn´t starting now. It had been two days since Hanzo´s operation and Genji wanted to see how his brother was doing._

_Seeing the door to his older brother’s room, Genji picked up his pace. He wrapped his hand around the doorknob and swung it open, excepting his brother laying on the bed and reading a book while drinking some tea._

_Genji froze, dropping the basket._

_What he did not except a man lifeless laying on the ground, covered in blood. Hanzo was standing over him while holding a bloody katana. His father standing right by him and the Elders were standing behind them, all of them were smirking smugly._

_Genji stomach twisted at the sight. “This is wrong.” He thought, along with thousand other thoughts. Genji looked over the lifeless body and recognized it as the man Hanzo was in love with._

_Hanzo turned his face to Genji, staring at his little brother with no emotion on his face. Genji could only stare back with guilt._

_“It´s my fault.” Genji thought. If he wasn´t so reckless, then Hanzo wouldn´t need to remove the flower in his chest. Hanzo would have confessed to the flower boy and the flower boy would have returned his feeling back. The Hanahaki diease would have disappeared on its own and Hanzo would feel happiness. Hanzo would have felt_ something _if it wasn´t for Genji._

_Footsteps snapped Genji out of his thoughts. The Elders walked past Genji, all of them giving him ‘You-lost’ look. Yamato, who was the last in line, stopped. “Having the Hanahaki disease has it perks.” Yamato cockily said before leaving the room._

_Clenching his fist tightly, nails digging into his palms, Genji tried to control his breathing._

_Again, the Elders left Sojiro and his sons alone in the room. But this time only two of them felt they had failed._

* * *

 

 

 _Today is the day_. Jesse thought bitterly and putted on his old Stetson.

 

Hanzo´s operation will happen soon, and Jesse had decided to visit the elder man before his operation, after four days with avoiding the archer.

 

Making his way down the med bay, Jesse thought about what Angela said. The risk will be higher since this is the second time Hanzo has the Hanahaki. Swinging the door open, Jesse spotted Hana, Satya and Jamison. All of them had turned around to see who was at the door.

 

“Oh, Jess.” Hanzo blinked. He was probably surprised to see Jesse visiting him after avoiding him since the confession.

 

“Well we will give you two some privacy.” Satya shoot up from her seat. She practically dragged a screaming Jamison of the room. “Oii, let me go Satya!”

 

“Don´t dare to forget me, Han! Or I will kick your ass!” Hana stated at her way out. Hanzo chuckled back as respond, smiling softly at her. “How could I forget my favourite gaming partner.” Hana scoffed, giving the cowboy a glare on her way out.

 

A pregnant pause fell over the room. Jesse hadn´t really thought about what he was going to say when he visited the elder man, only visiting him.

 

“H-Howdy…” Jesse said, trying to break the awkward silence.

 

Hanzo only stared back, waiting the other man to say something else. Jesse got the message.

 

“I jus´ wanted to check on you before yer operation, y´know.” Jesse awkwardly played with his belt, trying to look everywhere but at Hanzo. Why was it so awkward?

 

 _You are making it awkward._ A voice told him.

_Oh yeah, Hanzo confessed his feelings for you four days ago and you rejected him._ Jesse mentally slapped himself.

 

“Mhmm… I´m fine…” Hanzo responded. “Was it all?”

 

 “U-uh yeah…” Jesse shrugged. “Well I better go before Angie come.” Not waiting for the other´s man respond, Jesse fled out of the room. Closing the door, Jesse dropped to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

 

It was hard for the cowboy to express his feeling with words.

 

“I´m so fuckin´ stupid…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jesse purses his lips around the cigarillo and takes another drag. The smoke blows slow.

Angela would have his head if she saw Jesse right now, in the waiting room. Good thing she was inside the surgery room with Hanzo and Angelo.

 

Both Jesse and Genji have been waiting more than two hours for the Ziegler siblings to finish the operations. None of them have stood up from their seat unless it was for stretching or going to the toilet. Surgery for the Hanahaki could take up to ten hours, depended on how long the patients had the disease.

 

People have come and gone, checking if the surgery finished and if they could visit the elder Shimada. Hana had been the one to stay the longest out of them.

 

The time went on and Jesse honestly stopped counting after five minutes. It only just made it harder for him to wait and it was already hard for the cowboy to know that it was a great risk for Hanzo to forget him.

 

Jesse chewed harder on the cigarillo. Hanzo were Jesse´s teammate, a friend he held close. He didn´t want Hanzo to forget him. Too deep in his thought, Jesse didn´t noticed when Zenyatta arrived and he honestly didn´t care, he just wanted the damn operation to finish like he could see his friend.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Finally, after god-knows-how-long, the Zieglar sibling finished the operation and had moved Hanzo to another room.

 

“You may visit him, but it is only for ten minutes and then you both need to eat something and get some sleep.” Angela strictly ordered them, she was tired of babying the agents. Overwatch didn´t pay her enough.

 

“Don´t be so hard on them, sis.” Angelo tiredly smiled. The surgery had been long and tiresome. They both wanted to sleep but one of them had to stay up a little longer just to see if everything was under control. Lúcio would come soon, to take over for both of them like they could rest.

 

Not wanted to get lectured more, both Genji and Jesse hurried over to Hanzo´s room, they couldn’t wait anymore. Stepping into the room, both the men froze.

 

On the bed, laid Hanzo surrendered by medical equipment. He had a breathing mask on, dark hair splashed over the pillow.

 

Jesse thought Hanzo looked like a ghost, laying there. His skin was paler than usual and he didn´t look good.

 

“It´s not your fault, Jesse.” Genji said, as if he knew what was going through Jesse´s mind.

 

Jesse huffing, taking a long last glance at the elder Shimada before exiting the room.

 

 

* * *

 

It had been six days since the operation, Hanzo spent five of them sleeping and Jesse haven’t visited once since the day Hanzo got operated.

 

“You know, you should visit him.” Angelo yawned as he sat across Jesse at the tablet. Jesse blinked, not noticing anyone entering the room. He was too deep in his thought.

 

“Ya think he wants ta see me?” Jesse hesitated, does Hanzo want to see the man who was responsible for the Hanahaki disease? Would Hanzo even remember Jesse?

 

“Who wants to see who?” Hana broke in, taking a seat beside Angelo. “Haven´t you visited Hanzo yet?” She munched on her sandwich.

 

Jesse shakes his head. “Nah.”

 

Hana hummed, swallowing the food down. “Having the Hanahaki disease is kind of weird.”

 

Jesse furrowed his eyebrows. “Whatcha mean?” It wasn´t like people could decide if they wanted the Hanahaki disease or not.

 

“I mean, why are people getting the Hanahaki disease? So, what if their love is unrequired, people shouldn´t get punished for loving another person. It is just stupid.”

 

“Mhm… that is true.” Angelo agreed, he turned his attention to Jesse. “Just visit him, Hanzo is your friend after all.” He reassures.

 

Years with living on the run got lonely for Jesse. When he first came to Overwatch, he never thought he would find a person he would actually call a friend.

 

Hanzo was-, _is_ Jesse friend and he don´t want anything to ruining the friendship between them two.

 

Fuck the Hanahaki.

 

* * *

 

 

Only a door was between Jesse and Hanzo, and it make Jesse angsty.

 

The thought of Hanzo forgetting him, made Jesse hesitated to open the door. What will he do if Hanzo forgets? How will he react?

 

“It´s okay, it´s okay.” The gunslinger took deep breaths, trying to stop his hands from shaking.  “I can do it, he is my friend.” He mumbled before opening the door.

 

Surprising, only Hanzo was in the room. He was reading a book while chewing on a chocolate bar. It made Jesse smile, Hanzo really had a sweet-tooth.

 

Hanzo blinked, analysing the man standing before him.

 

“Who are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so I decided to add an extra chapter. 
> 
> I didn't save the documents so half of my chapter just got lost, which annoyed me, since I spent so much time writing it. I actually lost any motivation writing this until BananaDreamer commented this fic. (Thank you so much <33)
> 
> This chapter is so messy and I will edited it tomorrow.
> 
> The angst hasn't still started so stay tuned until the next chapter ;))
> 
> Update: Check out the BEAUTIFUL fanart made by BananaDreamer in chapter 1 <3333!!!


	3. Remember

“Who are you?”

 

As the words left the archer mouth, it felt like Zarya had punched Jesse thousand times in the gut. He was torn between anger and guilt, and thousand thoughts went through Jesse´s mind but he couldn’t focus on any of them as Jesse tried to remember how to breath. His chest rises and falls as the cowboy´s eyes were filled with tears and his whole body was shaking.

 

“I-I-… Han-.. Uhh..”

 

Jesse breathed shakenly in as tears streamed down.

 

“I-I´m.. s-sorry H-H-Han.” Jesse accent thicken. _Why am I apologizing?_ Jesse thought.

 

 _It´s your fault._ A voice back in his head whispered. It´s your fault that Hanzo doesn’t remember.

 

Was it really his fault? If Jesse returned the archer feelings back, Hanzo would be smiling and challenging him for a competition, he wouldn’t sit in the medical bay with no emotion and looking pale.

 

“Are you well?” Hanzo questioned. Wait, was it even Hanzo, _his_ Hanzo if the archer didn´t remember him?

 

“I-I...U-h..” The gunslinger tried to form words in his head and say them, but nothing came out as he opened his mouth. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk and breathe?

 

 _Control your breath, boy_. Reyes whispered through his head. _Don´t forget what I thought you._ An image of Reyes snarled at him pooped through his mind.

 

 _Yes, remember to breathe._ Jesse tried to tell himself as he putted a hand over his chest. “Air...” Jesse told himself in a hushed tone. _Air sounded good_. And again, the cowboy fled the out of the room, leaving the archer.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days has passed since Hanzo has awaken and Genji has spent most of his time with him.

 

At first, when Hanzo woke up, Genji prayed to all the Gods out there that his brother wouldn´t lose the ability to have feelings. However, the universe wasn´t so fond of Shimadas.

 

Not only had Hanzo lost the ability to feel, but he had also lost his memories for the past four months or so. Hanzo joined Overwatch for five months ago and then, only Winston, Lena, Angela and Genji himself was member of Overwatch. Hanzo didn’t know the rest of the agents when they visited him after the operation.

 

Last time Hanzo had Hanahaki disease, he had only lost the ability to have feelings, it wasn´t before Hanzo killed Genji, that the archer was able to feel again. Genji honestly never understood the Hanahaki disease, no one actually does, you just got to live with it. But Genji knew that the side effects of the Hanahaki disease didn´t always last.

 

Hanzo still could regain his memory back and the ability to have feelings. He just needed something to trigger his memories and ´wake-up´ his feelings as Genji´s death did the first time.

 

That is why he sat here, trying to help his brother to remember everything. Hana, Jamison and Satya also offered to help the younger Shimada. _More like forced to help, they didn´t even give me time to answer back._ Genji thought, while watching Hana showing Hanzo videos.

 

Genji was worried what would happen if Hanzo never regained his memory and feelings back. All Genji´s effort to try to mend the Shimada brother´s relationship would be wasted.

 

Zenyatta gently placed a hand on Genji´s shoulder. “There is still hope, my friend.” 

 

But yet, the younger Shimada couldn’t help feeling anger. Anger at the universe for trying to punish Hanzo for having feelings, anger at Jesse for not romantically loving his older brother and anger at himself for failing Hanzo.

 

 

Again.

* * *

 

 

Fareeha took a step into Jesse´s messy room. The room was dark, and bottles were laying around the room, some of them were even shattered. Jesse´s clothes were thrown around the room, even Peacemaker, the one thing Jesse treasured the most, was laid careless on the floor.

 

“Of course, you are drinking, that is the only thing you can do.” Fareeha sighed, leaned on the doorframe.

 

“Fuck off Reeha.” Jesse tried to say under his cover. Fareeha rolled her eyes and turned on the light before walking over to Jesse. She tried to sit gently as she could at the bed and laid her hand on Jesse´s hair, gently stroked him.

 

“You know, you shouldn´t blame yourself over something you don´t have control over.”

 

One thing Fareeha knows, is that no matter how much your hide your feelings, you can never fully control it.

 

* * *

 

 

Two and half weeks has passed since Hanzo´s operation and most people in the base has tried to help Hanzo to regain memory, but no one had had any luck so far.

 

Watching Hanzo not showing any practical feelings brought back some bad memories for Genji. He just wanted Hanzo to feel something, show _something_. Hell, Genji rather preferred the Hanzo who had come to the Overwatch base for the first time – wary and snarky – rather than _this_ Hanzo. This Hanzo, were so different. He walked, ate and talked like a robot. It reminded him of Hanzo back in--

 

Genji shuddered. _I need to let go of the past._ He thought. The cyborg looked over at Hanzo. Hanzo showed no emotions on his face, he didn’t even give Hana a nasty glare when the MEKA pilot told the archer he needed to buy more hoodies for her to steal.

 

“You can b-borrow my hoodies if you w-want, H-Hana!” Brigitte blurted right beside Genji.

 

“Nah, it´s okay. I like Hanzo´s clothes. The smell of his clothes reminds me of my father.” Hana shot the flustered engineer a smile before turning her attention back at Hanzo. Brigitte face immediately fell, but she understood where Hana came from.

 

Poor girl, everyone on this base knew of Brigitte huge crush for Hana, except Hana. Classic.

 

The group entered the communal kitchen, and around the table sat Fareeha and Lúcio. Mei stood beside the fridge with Jesse.

 

“Hey guys!” Lucio grinned. Hana and Brigitte greeted back.

 

Genji noticed that Jesse immediately froze when they entered the room and that Mei laid gently a hand on Jesse´s back.

 

“Jesse, it has been a while since we have seen each other.” Genji walked to one of the cabins, taking out a tea box.

 

“Yeah, I guess I have been busy these past days.” Fareeha snorted beside Jesse. “With sulking and getting drunk.” Everyone except Hanzo and Jesse chuckled.  

 

“I wasn´t sulking!”

 

A ´Pling´ sound startled the agents. “Oh!” Mei hurried over to the oven.

 

“What are you making?” Hana walked over to the island table and sat on one of the chairs with Brigitte right beside her. Hanzo stood beside the doorframe, watching quietly each agent. Most of the agents had gotten used to Hanzo staring at them quietly.

 

“Egg tarts,” Mei took out a tray from the oven. “Please, sit down everyone. The desert is almost ready!” Lúcio beamed with excitement. “You´re a-mei-zing Mei!” Mei giggled in return.

 

Genji took a seat beside Brigtte and laid the two tea cups on the table. He noticed Hanzo still standing beside the exited and told him to take a seat beside him and Hanzo complied. Jesse hesitated before taking a seat right beside the archer.

 

Mei laid a plate full of egg tarts on the table and everyone excepted Hanzo started to dig in. Compliments broke out and Mei beamed with happiness. Genji motion his brother to try one and Hanzo took one.

 

“Do ya like it?” Jesse questioned nervously. Hanzo shrugged. “I can´t say when I can´t feel.” Hanzo said with a straight face. There no emotions behind the words. Suddenly, it got harder for Jesse to swallow the desert.

 

The two men sat in silence, one of them observed the rest of the group while the other one drowned in guilt.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The Shimada´s brothers walked to the street in the small town beside the base.

 

Genji decided he wanted to buy more hoodies for Hanzo, since Hana took all of his. He had picked for hoodies with different shades, some pair of jeans and thigh t-shirts. He had also bought a neon green hoodie for Hanzo, and the archer didn´t even say anything. The old Hanzo would have given Genji his death glare. The cyborg hated to say it, but he missed his brother lecture and glares.

 

 

On their way back to the base, Hanzo had stopped in front of a toy store. “Is it something?” Genji tried to look at what Hanzo were staring at. Hanzo walked inside of the store in response.

 

Genji tilted his head in confusion but decided he would wait outside. Hanzo emerged out of the store three minutes later with a white bunny plush with red bow on its neck. Genji raised his eyebrow but didn’t question his brother.

 

* * *

 

 

Hana sighed as she won another round over Brigitte.

 

Today had been a pretty boring day, this has been the hundred time she won over the other woman. The only one in the base that could beat Hana in video games was Hanzo. But Hanzo was out shopping with his brother.

 

“H-Hey, you want to maybe watch a movie or something?” Brigitte nervously asked. She knew that Hana was bored after the third round of playing and Hana rather wanted to be elsewhere rather than here, but Brigitte was really thankful that Hana hasn’t kick out here yet. Brigitte was in love with the other woman, but she knew Hana wasn´t interested.

 

“Yeah, sure” Hana took out her phone from the pocket. “Just pick out a movie, it is the same for me.” Brigette nodded and asked Athene to open the movie application.

 

Hana rather wanted to spend her time with Hanzo, trying to regain his memory. Ever since the operation, Hana felt she had a responsibility to help Hanzo. The archer has always been there for her ever since she joined Overwatch and now she wanted to repay the favour.

 

“Let me go and grab some snacks for us, okay?” Hana walked out of the room before Brigitte answered back.

 

On her way to the kitchen, Hana spotted the Shimada brothers. “Oh, hey guys!” The brothers turned around to see the mecha pilot and stopped. Hana made her way to them and she noticed the plush Hanzo were holding and her eyes widen.

 

“Oh! What a cute bunny!” Hana beamed.

 

“A gift, for you.” Hanzo practically showed the plush in Hana´s arms.

 

“W-Wha-...Ah!-- For me?” Hana stuttered, and she got a nod back.

 

 “I promised to buy you a plush once after I lost a competition to you, didn´t I?” Hana gasped with surprise. _But that was like two months ago…_ She thought as she brought it closer to her chest.

 

Hana felt something tug at her heart.

 

Hanzo was finally starting to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually supposed to be short story but yeah ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Btw, BananaDreamer made a fantastic fanart which you can see on the first chapter, check it out ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I was suppose to work with my other story since I have had some time, but I have read to many Hanahaki diseases and I really wanted to write one, so I hope you liked it
> 
> <33
> 
> Update: Link to the fanart if you aren't able to see it on the fic. Give the artist some love <333 : https://bananamirage.tumblr.com/post/179825021478/there-is-a-gift-for-heelium-who-is-the-writer-of


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